so this was my first week at work

im writing down a few thoughts as i reflect on the week

overall – i had a really great week and i feel very happy in my little dead heart.


what i did right

1) promises to myself

if you haven’t read my first day blog feel free to check it out. i made a few promises to myself and this is the number 1 thing i would suggest anyone starting a new adventure to make.

by making promises to myself, it helped me realize how quick and easy it was for me to throw my own needs to the side. within the first week there was about a dozen times i would have neglected my own self, if i didn’t explicitly sit down and come up with things that were important to me.

a concrete example would be my toolchain. i was blocked for a while waiting on access, and instead of trying to solve the problem by myself i did what i was supposed to do and waited patiently. in the long run this kept me sane, happy, and ultimately more productive.

2) asking questions

so this wasn’t a promise i made to myself, but “JAQ"ing off (just asking questions) really was a powerful way to get to know my new peers. as it turns out they are really awesome people. i am very excited to work with them, and learn from them.

3) candy jars

i have a hard time telling the difference between manipulation and kindness.

it is a trauma response from being manipulated so much in my life.

one of the things i have been working on with my therapist is acts of kindness and accepting them at face value - the analogy we like to use is the idea of leaving an innocent bowl of candy on your desk as a way to get to know folks at the office.

despite that being hard during the pandemic, i would have always assumed something like that to be manipulative so i would have restrained from ever offering a candy jar myself. furthermore, i dont think i would ever have the nerve to actually walk up to a stranger and ask for a piece of candy.

if i ever did see a candy jar, i would have always been skeptical, and probably assumed there was some sort of “catch”.

anyway - i am trying to make myself available and give folks an oppurtunity to come say hi on their terms - no strings attached.

4) not crossing the streams

this one should be simple.

nothing from work touches my personal life.

i am then selective about what from my personal life enters work.


what i would do different

1) twitter

trying to “hide” myself at work would be impossible, however i do not want to create an environment at work where my “twitter” self comes to the office. furthermore i do not want to contribute to any sort of “club” or “clique” mentallity at work.

i should have kept my job off twitter.

i want to pull back on my work/twitter relationship.

honestly thats it.

i fucking crushed it.

  • i’m sleeping well.
  • i have a routine.
  • i made sure to take care of a lot of preliminary chores
    • new credit cards
    • new license plates
    • DMV
    • filed taxes
    • cleaned the house
    • took time for myself
    • cleaned out kitchen/fridge

i can honestly say i did a good job, and i made the right choice with coming and joining the company that i did.

my surgery is scheduled so i will finally be able to love the person in the mirror.

i feel happy. i feel wise. i feel like i have a lot of support.

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